I always felt a bit different - highly sensitive, hyper-aware, intuitive (although I didn't realise at the time), and always questioning human behaviour and my place in the world. This seemed to go against how my family, teachers, friends and society perceived things and I started to internalize feeling wrong for my views and attitude towards society and life in general.
I was adopted, and no doubt that impacted my sensitivity and made me more in need of deeper connection and to feel welcome in a world that seemed a bit cruel, aggressive, and mad. Going to boarding school at 8 years old further compounded my abandonment wound from birth, and I was prone to bouts of deep melancholy, anger and grief thereafter. While I was quite joyful, outgoing and had friends, I often perceived myself to be an outsider in group and family dynamics. I became a people-pleaser as a result in order to fit in and avoid getting picked on. I later learned that this was an extremely intelligent adaptive strategy, given some of the harsh experiences I faced at school - teasing, bullying, physical and sexual abuse - but it led to me following the 'cool' kids, instead of those who, with hindsight, were more accepting and respectful of me as I was, and I ended up getting heavily into smoking, alcohol and recreational drugs. I really lost my way (now I see that isn't actually possible!), getting expelled from school at 17 years old and then struggling to complete my exams in order to get into my preferred course at university. I ended up studying something I didn't feel passionate about, and, from then on, my life took many twists and turns before finally discovering my calling: To realize my true self, to release any obstacles to that recognition and embodiment, and then harness what I've learned and experienced to help bring healing to those who need it; to use whatever hardships I've endured to foster greater understanding, care and compassion towards others, and to facilitate more heart-based connections.
Over the last decade or so, I've been in a profound transformational process, spending time with various spiritual teachers (Satsang) and attending loads of retreats and online courses. I've also immersed myself in a variety of practices - meditation, yoga, qi gong, 5 Rhythms - and have trained formally in Cranio-Sacral Therapy. All of this has helped towards recovering my true authentic self by slowly releasing the deep hurts, repressed emotions, and negative beliefs that have been held deep in my system.
This adventure is ongoing, but now I feel much more at home in myself and aligned to what I sensed as a child, but learned to doubt: The mystery and wonder of life, our interconnectedness with all that is, and the love that is always here within and without despite any seeming evidence to the contrary. Everything and everyone is our teacher, and I am here in my own unique way to embody compassion and kindness as fully as I can, and to facilitate whatever healing is required for those who are called to come to me for support.
Why TouchTones?
The name came to me out of the blue one day towards the end of my Cranio-Sacral Therpay (CST) training. I had been learning more about frequency, resonance and harmonics at the time, and I have always been deeply into music - I play the drums, guitar, piano and handpan, and I also love to dance. I had heard several people talk about 'feeling tones' and I loved the way the word 'tone' can be used in relation to the body, as well as in music and colour.
The name TouchTones sounded like the perfect description for how, as a therapist, I aim to tune in and listen carefully to the music being played in the client's system, and how, by way of gentle touch and an attuned calm, quiet presence, I endeavour to facilitate a co-resonant field that then naturally starts to harmonize anything that is out of tune in their body and mind. This to me epitomises what the CST therapeutic relationship and healing process are all about.